NJokes.com


The best dirty naughty jokes from the members of Web Naughty!


LATEST NAUGHTY JOKES  
- After Christmas
- More Q & A
- Flight to LA
- When Time Talks...
- Job Opening
- What the.......
- Essex Girls (Specially for HotBubbleGum)
- Totally Useless Facts...
- Top Ten Country Songs LOL
- Firemen Bells
- Old man on a park bench
- Are You A Real Man?
- George Carlins new rules for 2008
- The Nitty Gritty Dictionary...
- WHY GOD MADE MOMS
- sayings.........
- Ten Signs You Had Too Much Fun Last Night...
- Free Drinks For Everybody!
- New Year Resolutions For Pets...
- Signs Your Kids Don't Like Their Christmas Presents...
 

NAUGHTY JOKES ARCHIVE  
- January 2008 (21)
- December 2007 (67)
- November 2007 (73)
- October 2007 (54)
- September 2007 (44)
- August 2007 (69)
- July 2007 (72)
- June 2007 (60)
- May 2007 (49)
- April 2007 (51)
- March 2007 (73)
- February 2007 (44)
- January 2007 (37)
- December 2006 (54)
- November 2006 (100)
- October 2006 (59)
- September 2006 (104)
- August 2006 (126)
- July 2006 (71)
- June 2006 (77)
- May 2006 (65)
- April 2006 (76)
- March 2006 (116)
- February 2006 (13)
- January 2006 (7)
- December 2005 (3)
- October 2005 (2)
- August 2005 (3)
- July 2005 (6)
- June 2005 (7)
- May 2005 (1)
- April 2005 (3)
- March 2005 (4)
- February 2005 (4)
- January 2005 (9)
- December 2004 (5)
- November 2004 (12)
- October 2004 (22)
- September 2004 (4)
- August 2004 (17)
- July 2004 (11)
- June 2004 (3)
- May 2004 (2)
- April 2004 (1)
- February 2004 (1)
- December 2003 (1)
 


LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog

eXTReMe Tracker
10 Things that Piss Me Off Tuesday, 24 February 2004 18:58
Received this in my e-mail yesterday, I thought I'd share. I think it was originally written by Adam S. (either that or the name of the guy who sent it to me was Adam S.).

10 Things that Piss Me Off

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change he channel manually.

4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?

5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at frikken ceiling up there.

7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!

8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a
choice, did ya there buddy?

9. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it.

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast were going? You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!

Posted by: absix



judaskiss79 Thursday, 26 February 2004 02:49

i think all that's from a george carlin book.. .funny ass guy.


Chazzy Saturday, 31 July 2004 19:44

  QUOTE (absix @ February 24, 2004, 18:58)
Received this in my e-mail yesterday, I thought I'd share. I think it was originally written by Adam S. (either that or the name of the guy who sent it to me was Adam S.).

10 Things that Piss Me Off

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change he channel manually.

4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?

5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at frikken ceiling up there.

7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!

8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a
choice, did ya there buddy?

9. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it.

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast were going? You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!







Shall we add #11?? Members who think they can post anywhere they want and members who can't keep a thread on topic?


hardrock1955 Saturday, 31 July 2004 21:53



absix Saturday, 31 July 2004 22:12



hothands Sunday, 01 August 2004 07:38

  QUOTE (Chazzy @ July 31, 2004, 19:44)
  QUOTE (absix @ February 24, 2004, 18:58)
Received this in my e-mail yesterday, I thought I'd share. I think it was originally written by Adam S. (either that or the name of the guy who sent it to me was Adam S.).

10 Things that Piss Me Off

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change he channel manually.

4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?

5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at frikken ceiling up there.

7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!

8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a
choice, did ya there buddy?

9. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it.

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast were going? You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!







Shall we add #11?? Members who think they can post anywhere they want and members who can't keep a thread on topic?

I think we are all a little guilty on that one, don't you Chazzy ?


Chazzy Sunday, 01 August 2004 07:48

you all may be a little guilty of it, I should have formal charges brought against me


bawbie Sunday, 01 August 2004 10:21

earlier today i wrote a post on this very subject. itwas pure insipirred bueauty. sheer poetry. and mostly spelled properly.
and now i find the incrediable post vampire from hell has eaten it.
now that pisses me off.

another thing. i have a 14 year old daughter. she is a very, very pretty girl. with the long blond hair,and the big blue eyes and a cute little shape on her. but she is a tomboy. she catches snakes and lizzards and bugs of all kinds. she even caught a full grown jackrabbit once. i expect to see her on the crocidile hunter one day.
anywho, this boy at school comes up behind her and snaps her bra. melissa turns around and punches him in the stomach, followed by a left to the jaw. down he goes. i get a call from the school saying melissa is being suspended for fighting. but not the boy. he has suffered enough. excuse me? this boy was sexually harrassing her. the little varmit got what he deserved.
well, turns out they called her dad, too. and after officer daddy explains that the boy had actually commited a felony and she was defending herself, the boy got suspended and melissa walked.

she's never going to get a boyfriend.

ah, mesa public schools and the traditional double standard!


Chazzy Sunday, 01 August 2004 22:17

I'll tell ya what pisses me off, dialing a phone number, getting a recording "you must first dial 1....." hanging up, dialing again, with a "1" then get the recording "it is nonecessary to dial "1"........" hang up, dial again, without the "1" , get that fucking $$#@! bitch's recording again "you must first dial a "1"..............


hothands Sunday, 01 August 2004 22:50

When people are talking about something, and after every fricken sentense they say " ya know what I mean".


hothands Sunday, 01 August 2004 23:08

your waiting in the checkout line you finaly get to the cashere, she starts checking you out and the receipt tape runs out, she has to call a manager to install a new one, all the people in line are pissed off, my ice cream is melting while the manager is screwin with this tape.


hardrock1955 Monday, 02 August 2004 07:42

and they NEVER know what they are doing,takes 10 minutes , then it prints all smeared and crooked


Chazzy Monday, 02 August 2004 13:16

What pisses me off....are office Nazi bitches, the kind with the pseudo authority syndrome, the ones that try to belittle everyone with thier hateful uppity attitude, the ones that somehow, seem to believe that i'ts THEIR office, THEIR business, THEIR agency, etc...do you know the kind? Do you know what I'm talking about?


hardrock1955 Monday, 02 August 2004 13:38

sounds like you've met my x wife chazzy


Chazzy Monday, 02 August 2004 14:13

Actually, no. but Merriam told me all about her.


hothands Monday, 02 August 2004 14:15

When your taking a shower, and someone in another part of the house flushes a toilet, changes the shower water to 100+ degrees.OUCH!!!!


hardrock1955 Monday, 02 August 2004 14:21

when you are trying to get somepace in a hurry ( I'm always in a hurry) and some idiot is in the fast lane doing 5 under the speed limit, makes me want to just smack'em


hothands Monday, 02 August 2004 14:51

How bout when your in the fast lane doing 15 over the limit,they pull up behind you flash their lights, you pull in the slow lane to let them by and they pass you and pull in front of you and slow down.


hardrock1955 Monday, 02 August 2004 16:56

yeah they need a good smackin too


kbateman Monday, 02 August 2004 17:18

Nearly everyone I know could use a good swift kick in the ass. Just one. Not real hard, just a good swift kick in the ass. People that drive slow in the fast lane, slow down in the slow lane, turn left from the right lane, signal right then turn left (good maryland trick). But the ones that really piss me off are the guys that just run over squirrels and groundhogs when they have room to dodge them.


boredcountryboy Monday, 02 August 2004 19:53

those dozen commercial bee hives next to the highway that hurt like hell and make a mess when i ride my bike past!


hardrock1955 Monday, 02 August 2004 20:42

seems like a dumb place to have them , they must lose a lot to traffic every day


hothands Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:03

Your at Sam's Club or Costco, every one has these huge carts of merchandise, you've waited in line for 20 minutes your up to the check out and this short fat fuck behind you with a long nose, sloped forhead, a three inch doily on his head, and gold jewely all over says " sir do you mind if I step in front of you I only have a few Items"?


MoonHowler Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:04

  QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ August 2, 2004, 14:21)
when you are trying to get somepace in a hurry ( I'm always in a hurry) and some idiot is in the fast lane doing 5 under the speed limit, makes me want to just smack'em



Railroad tie!


hardrock1955 Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:07

hell yes I mind get to the back of the fuckin line asshole


hardrock1955 Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:12

  QUOTE (MoonHowler @ August 5, 2004, 12:04)
  QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ August 2, 2004, 14:21)
when you are trying to get somepace in a hurry ( I'm always in a hurry) and some idiot is in the fast lane doing 5 under the speed limit, makes me want to just smack'em



Railroad tie!




I used to have a 78 scout with a five foot piece of railroad RAIL for a front bumper. That would takem out. had a big airhorn from a mack truck under the hood too. scared the hell out of people walking along the road ,what a blast , the good ole days


MoonHowler Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:15

  QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ August 5, 2004, 12:12)
  QUOTE (MoonHowler @ August 5, 2004, 12:04)
  QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ August 2, 2004, 14:21)
when you are trying to get somepace in a hurry ( I'm always in a hurry) and some idiot is in the fast lane doing 5 under the speed limit, makes me want to just smack'em



Railroad tie!



I used to have a 78 scout with a five foot piece of railroad RAIL for a front bumper. That would takem out. had a big airhorn from a mack truck under the hood too. scared the hell out of people walking along the road ,what a blast , the good ole days



IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII like it!!


MoonHowler Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:16

Think that'll work for my GMC?


hardrock1955 Thursday, 05 August 2004 12:24

It might take a little fabricatin" , but I think we could make it work


boredcountryboy Thursday, 05 August 2004 15:40

i got access to some old rail if you need it?


hardrock1955 Thursday, 05 August 2004 15:44

once you get that bike running , load it on the back and meet me . we'll see what we can do


boredcountryboy Thursday, 05 August 2004 15:49

reviving that old damsel in distress car service?


hardrock1955 Thursday, 05 August 2004 15:51

yep may as well , something may work out after all


bawbie Friday, 06 August 2004 21:36

i want a lazar thingie with a stencil on it so i can imprint on the backs of cars" i drve like an asshole" or some other clever saying.


Chazzy Saturday, 07 August 2004 00:27

I want a sign that says " if you had any idea how bad my tires and brakes are, you'd back the fuck off!!"


MoonHowler Saturday, 07 August 2004 00:32

They have bumper stickers that say, "unless you're a hemerhoid, get off my ass!" But it's illegal now in the state of Texas to have obscene language on your car.... Stupid laws!!


hardrock1955 Saturday, 07 August 2004 00:46

sounds about right for a state that outlaws vibrators


MoonHowler Saturday, 07 August 2004 00:52

Uh oh, I better hide my stash!!



Chazzy Saturday, 07 August 2004 05:42

I'll tll y8 wwat pssis me of, tring to tipe an spell wen Im' stoopid drunkt


hothands Saturday, 07 August 2004 15:18

did ya ever foget where you parked in a huge parking lot? and your walking around going FUCK where did I park? I thought I parked right here! Someone stole my car? all this shit is going through your head and the damn car is in the third row over! DA!!!!


boredcountryboy Saturday, 07 August 2004 15:53

  QUOTE (hothands @ August 7, 2004, 15:18)
did ya ever foget where you parked in a huge parking lot? and your walking around going FUCK where did I park? I thought I parked right here! Someone stole my car? all this shit is going through your head and the damn car is in the third row over! DA!!!!



i half understand where you're coming from... i've wandered around scratching my head wondering how my car disappeared but i KNOW no one would want to steal anything i own!


Chazzy Sunday, 08 August 2004 00:39

I get pissed when someone behind me in the check out line has the stupid notion that all of us want to hear their sophomoric trivial cell phone conversation


hardrock1955 Sunday, 08 August 2004 00:42

especially when they are standing there half yelling into the damn thing. cell phones suck


sunbuff10 Sunday, 08 August 2004 07:21

Continuos, eternal, forever road construction on I64 in the Hampton Roads VA. area. For the last 10 years it has really never finished! What is gained by keeping the road under construction with 45mph speedlimits. We never see the benifit of having more lanes! The backups a ridiculous!!!


Chazzy Sunday, 15 August 2004 03:49

I didn't mind road construction at one time, back when they let them all work with their shirts off. A few friends and I would pack a cooler , jump into the car on a hot july day and go looking for road contruction, all day long!


Tease Friday, 15 October 2004 19:49

10 things huh?
1 MEN
2 MEN
3 MEN
4 MEN
5 MEN
6 MEN
7 MEN
8 MEN
9 MEN
10 FUCKEN MEN


hardrock1955 Friday, 15 October 2004 19:56









Tease Friday, 15 October 2004 19:58

I thought I wasnt gonna get any ?Now I know what to do to get my


backfromaustintx Saturday, 16 October 2004 14:01

  QUOTE (hardrock1955 @ August 7, 2004, 00:46)
sounds about right for a state that outlaws vibrators

They must have changed that HR. When I was in Texas vibrators and other toys were available in the sex shops.

What I always found weird was the law that said a strip joint could go bottomless or sell alcohol, but not both. Like, if I have a drink and see a woman completely naked, I'm more likely to become a serial rapist or something?


hothands Saturday, 16 October 2004 18:07

Maybe it has something to do with Indians and Fire-water?,,,,,you know how rumors get started.