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LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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A Bad Day at Work...
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Tuesday, 24 April 2007 10:45 |
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won:
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all .
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment that sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now, this all sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's fantastic...it's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This, of course, only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bottom started to feel a burning sensation. I pulled the hose out from my back, thinking that maybe the water was too hot, but the damage was done.
In agony, I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it directly into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I had scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish, and all of its poisonous, stinging tentacles, into the crack of my bottom.
I immediately informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my bottom was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bottom.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day.
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Posted by:
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Tuesday, 01 May 2007 10:22 |
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I was working for a company located in a warehouse and each desk was separated by partitions. There was only one his/her bathroom which was visible from mostly everyone's desk.
One time, I just had to go and after I had finished I went to pull the toilet paper off the roll and out came a brown recluse spider! It jumped across my hand and landed at my feet.
Well, I screamed and ran out of the bathroom, and then the office, just freaking out with my pants around my ankles!
When I had finally calmed down I looked at my co-workers, who were, of course, looking at me. I was uttterly speechless aside from one word...I just simply said, "Spider" and went into the men's side of the bathroom to finish my business.
Not joking...I quit the very next day.
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Tuesday, 01 May 2007 12:06 |
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Laughing so hard tears came down.....Hope those things never happen to me.... |
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Wednesday, 02 May 2007 01:13 |
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Don't worry Moon, we are laughing with you, not at you. |
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Friday, 04 May 2007 11:08 |
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by Bonnie A. Adkins from Memphis, Tennessee
Being a single mother, I wanted to do everything perfectly when it came to raising my son. One day, he came to me with the age-old question...."Mom, where did I come from?" Since I considered myself a fairly hip, enlightened woman, I immediately stopped what I was doing and sat down with my six-year old child to begin the oh-so important explanation about the birds and the bees. I navigated, fairly cleverly I thought, through the basics, explaining what I believed a six-year old would understand. He listened intently, his eyes never leaving my face, never once interrupting me and seemingly very interested in what I had to say.
I was feeling quite proud of myself, feeling as though I had met and managed a milestone in the "motherhood" department. My pleasure with my success was short-lived, however, when my son looked directly at me, his head cocked slightly to one side and said "No, mom not sex. I mean like Lisa came from Pensacola, where did I come from?"
You just never really know what is going on in their little minds, do you??
By Kmpangel
I work at a company whose logo is the spartan man head...when my daughter was 8 she went to a doctor's appointment and needed a prescription filled. We went to the local CVS drug store and went to the pharmacy counter. They were quite busy. While standing in line my 8 yr old was directly in front of the waist to floor rack of condoms. She saw the trojan brand with the same spartan guy head and yelled, "hey mom dont you need these for work?"
Needless to say i turned a shade of red there is no color name for.
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Monday, 07 May 2007 10:03 |
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Sunday School...
by Rev. Darryl L. Andrzejewski
I have been a pastor for 14 years. I was teaching a large Tuesday morning bible study on creation. There were 35 people in attendance, mostly school moms and retirees. We were covering the vast and intricate design of God's hand in nature. We were moving about... covering this and that... and then I turned my attention to the Great Barrier Reef, how many different species grouped together to form this wonder. What I wanted to say next was that this was one of the world's biggest "ORGANISMS". However, I didn't get that word quite right.
I said four more words after this colossal bible-study blunder, stopped, and thought to myself, "What did I just say?!" When I looked around the room, I quickly discovered my fear was very real, as evidenced by the three dozen shades of red around the room.
Word must have leaked about my embarrassing moment, as attendance for the next Tuesday class nearly doubled.
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