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LATEST NAUGHTY JOKES
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LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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Men's Rules (that women should know)
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 06:34 |
Saw this on the Net, made me laugh.
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
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Posted by:
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 06:53 |
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..Some of the best pro-male prose ever to be concieved....
...it ranks up there with Keats,Fitzgerald..
Plato and Aristotle would be pleased...
Peace and Blessings,
Artful1 |
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 07:19 |
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Very good! I've seen this before, and it is bang-on!
About toilet seats: Its probably the silliest and most meaningless issue there is.
A female friend of mine, years ago before she married one of my buds, once told me "If he loves me, he'll put the seat down!". Astounding - blackmail!
I have two beautiful daughters. A few years ago when they were 10 and 12, they asked me to always put the seat down. The rationale? There's 3 girls and only 1 boy and majority rules!
I explained to them that if we all went to the restroom about the same number of times and at random intervals, then I would be raising the seat 3/4 of the time and they would lower it only 1/4 of the time. If I did what they wanted they would never have to lower it, and I would have to raise and lower it 100% of the time.
I'm an Engineer, so I could'nt resist! Anyway, that was the last time they brought it up.
I think they should add 'Logic and Reasoning' to women's studies classes. It would go a long way.
But, God love 'em, I could'nt live without a good woman in my life. That existance would be meaningless and selfish (IMHO).
Oh yes... I recently asked a GF about why women want the toilet seat down so badly, and she told me it looks better. THAT was the first time I've ever heard a reasonable rationale! Made me want to do it all the time.
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 10:52 |
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The only reasoning I have for the toilet seat is have you ever gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and the seat been up?  Toilet water is colder than water thats been sitting in the fridge for 3 days. |
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 11:13 |
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QUOTE (curiousgirl @ July 15, 2004, 10:52)The only reasoning I have for the toilet seat is have you ever gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and the seat been up? Toilet water is colder than water thats been sitting in the fridge for 3 days.
Men get up in the middle of the night to sit down too sometimes. We check to see if the seat is up. Its very easy to feel one or two pieces at the top edge of the seat.
Why can't women do the same?
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 12:37 |
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QUOTE (backfromaustintx @ July 15, 2004, 11:13) QUOTE (curiousgirl @ July 15, 2004, 10:52)The only reasoning I have for the toilet seat is have you ever gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and the seat been up? Toilet water is colder than water thats been sitting in the fridge for 3 days.
Men get up in the middle of the night to sit down too sometimes. We check to see if the seat is up. Its very easy to feel one or two pieces at the top edge of the seat.
Why can't women do the same?
I know better then to answer that!  |
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 16:27 |
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...By law,when you marry or join in union with a woman,you are legally obligated to take their shit...
...I believe the toilet is a symbolic testimony
to this fact that they know so well...
Peace and Blessings,
Artful1 |
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Thursday, 15 July 2004 19:37 |
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You leave the seat up, no problem. I am quite able to reach up and put it back down, In fact I would rather you leave it up, the urine drains faster from your random spraying with the seat up than when you put it back down. |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 00:42 |
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lets look at the toliet seat issue logicaly.
a) there are two sexes.
b) each sex preforms two different, but very simualar functions.
c) 2 x 2 = 4
d) 3 of the four functions are preformed in the "sit" position.
therefore the seat or "picture frame" as it is known in some circles, should be left in the position that the majority of the functions are performed.
even Mr. Spock would agree.i happen to know he always replaces the seat to the "sit"position.
besides, one night i got up to pee in the middle of the night, and after i sat, i realized the seat was up. so i sort of half stood up, leaned forward and was reaching back to flip the seat down, hit my head on the countertop and fractured my skull. layed there for 4 or 5 hours until the bf found me when he woke up. i ended up in the hospital for a couple days, and had to convince the cops my boyfriend hadn't beaten me.
remember ladies, this could happen to YOU ! gentlemen, think safety first and put that seat down. someday it may save your loved ones life. |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 01:12 |
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It's funny, that long list that I originally started this thread, the only thing the women would respond to is the toilet seat.
Relying on the classics I guess. |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 09:56 |
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QUOTE (kbateman @ July 15, 2004, 19:37) You leave the seat up, no problem. I am quite able to reach up and put it back down, In fact I would rather you leave it up, the urine drains faster from your random spraying with the seat up than when you put it back down.
Yes, its very true. God just didn't design men's equipment for precision urination.  |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 09:59 |
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QUOTE (bawbie @ July 16, 2004, 00:42) lets look at the toliet seat issue logicaly.
a) there are two sexes.
b) each sex preforms two different, but very simualar functions.
c) 2 x 2 = 4
d) 3 of the four functions are preformed in the "sit" position.
therefore the seat or "picture frame" as it is known in some circles, should be left in the position that the majority of the functions are performed.
even Mr. Spock would agree.i happen to know he always replaces the seat to the "sit"position.
besides, one night i got up to pee in the middle of the night, and after i sat, i realized the seat was up. so i sort of half stood up, leaned forward and was reaching back to flip the seat down, hit my head on the countertop and fractured my skull. layed there for 4 or 5 hours until the bf found me when he woke up. i ended up in the hospital for a couple days, and had to convince the cops my boyfriend hadn't beaten me.
remember ladies, this could happen to YOU ! gentlemen, think safety first and put that seat down. someday it may save your loved ones life.
LOL!
That the one part of the ship they never show us. I wonder what it must be like using the facilities in the 24th century. I'm sure its a lot cleaner than it is today!
I didn't realize how much I was putting my family at risk of physical harm and perhaps even death by leaving the seat up! Shame on me! |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 10:02 |
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QUOTE (EugeneOregon @ July 16, 2004, 01:12) It's funny, that long list that I originally started this thread, the only thing the women would respond to is the toilet seat.
Relying on the classics I guess.
There's a female version somewhere out on the net.
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Friday, 16 July 2004 12:31 |
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Sheesh, seems like we struck a nerve there. I could put the seat down if I wanted to. But I clean the toilet so I think the only respectfull thing to do for the woman who washes your pee off the thing is put the lid down. Unless of course the husband cleans it. Which if mine did, I wouldn't complain either way. If he would wash it I'd learn to pee standing up so he wouldn't have to lift it.  |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 13:40 |
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put it down that is. |
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Friday, 16 July 2004 15:43 |
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QUOTE (curiousgirl @ July 16, 2004, 12:31)Sheesh, seems like we struck a nerve there. I could put the seat down if I wanted to. But I clean the toilet so I think the only respectfull thing to do for the woman who washes your pee off the thing is put the lid down. Unless of course the husband cleans it. Which if mine did, I wouldn't complain either way. If he would wash it I'd learn to pee standing up so he wouldn't have to lift it.
if she's willing to do all the toilet washing i'll put the damn seat anywhere she wants it! |
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Saturday, 17 July 2004 02:48 |
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the toliet seat is a sticky issue.(no pun intended).
i also happen to know, on vulcan, they teach their boys to aim by having them write calculus problems in the sand. they also make ladies rooms twice as big as the mens room in public places.
on the enterprise, there was a j-john down in engineering, next to the hamster on the treadmill that ran the warp engines. warp 1 was 1 hamster, warp 2 was 2 hamsters, and so on.
oh, and as far as the safety issue, never, ever wear a solid red shirt.  |
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Tuesday, 20 July 2004 07:10 |
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QUOTE (bawbie @ July 17, 2004, 02:48) the toliet seat is a sticky issue.(no pun intended).
i also happen to know, on vulcan, they teach their boys to aim by having them write calculus problems in the sand. they also make ladies rooms twice as big as the mens room in public places.
on the enterprise, there was a j-john down in engineering, next to the hamster on the treadmill that ran the warp engines. warp 1 was 1 hamster, warp 2 was 2 hamsters, and so on.
oh, and as far as the safety issue, never, ever wear a solid red shirt.
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Tuesday, 20 July 2004 08:47 |
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I can certainly sypathize with you toilet seat jockys, had the same problem many moons ago, solved it when we built our new house 17yrs ago. By installing standing urinals in each bath along with the camode except for the one off the foyer by the main enterance which has two urinals a camode a double sink and shower, but no bathtub. Its the way to go plus it wasn't that much more cost wise, just have to increase the size of the bathrooms a little. |
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Tuesday, 20 July 2004 18:17 |
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the toilet issue won't ever be solved. we Know it isn't hard to look before we sit and close it, and you know we like it down so we don't have to look.
can we agree to disagree on this issue and talk about fucking or something else? |
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Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:12 |
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this is just a llttle post to finally shove the "ohio women" thread down on to page 2  |
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