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LATEST NAUGHTY JOKES
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LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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Naughty Jokes - Dirty naughty jokes archive for January, 2005
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RAOI(Random Acts Of Insanity)
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31/01/2005 |
RAOI(Random Acts Of Insanity)
some more silly crap from the internet.
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Don't use any punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Sing along at the opera.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.
Send email to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall 3."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Every time you see a broom yell, "Honey, your mother is here!"
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Posted by: |
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Chat Room Personalities
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26/01/2005 |
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/
Found this link and thought everyone might find themselves here.  |
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Posted by: |
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Only in America...
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23/01/2005 |
...one of those cute internet things
Things Found Only In America
All American
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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Posted by: |
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Ginger jokes
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22/01/2005 |
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Any good ginger jokes anyone? |
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Posted by: |
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Type of future news you can expect to read about!!!!!!
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21/01/2005 |
News Flashes in the Year 2029
* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists baffled.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George X. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight
loss.
* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining liberal.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
And last but certainly not the least... (I love it)..
* Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.
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Posted by: |
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blonde jokes
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17/01/2005 |
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a
message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would
cost $150 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money, but
I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything?"
"Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next
room and ordered, "Come in and close the door." She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees." She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and
grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes
and whispered, "Well... go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding
it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO....MOM?!"
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Posted by: |
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Makes allot of sense !!
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09/01/2005 |
In 1997, Harvard funded a study to see why the head of a penis was bigger than the rest of it. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, Yale decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Mississippi State university, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the chin.
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Posted by: |
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EVER WONDER ?
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09/01/2005 |
>
> > EVER WONDER~~~
> >
> > Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
> > "I think I'll squeeze
> > these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
> > out."?
> >
> >
> > Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken
> > there... I'm gonna
> > eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."?
> >
> >
> > Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
> > toast to a horrible
> > crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
> >
> >
> > Why is there a light in almost all fridges and not
> > one in most freezers?
> >
> >
> > If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there
> > a song about him?
> >
> >
> > Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
> > lane?
> >
> >
> > If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a
> > radio out of coconut,
> > why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
> >
> >
> > Why do people point to their wrist when asking for
> > the time, but don't
> > point to their crotch when they ask where the
> > bathroom is?
> >
> >
> > Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
> > undressed if they are
> > going to look up there anyway?
> >
> >
> > Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on
> > all fours? They're
> > both dogs!
> >
> >
> > If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
> > Acme crap, why didn't
> > he just buy dinner?
> >
> >
> > If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
> >
> >
> > If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
> > made from
> > vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
> >
> >
> > If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
> > come from morons?
> >
> >
> > Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a
> > mouse?
> >
> >
> > Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
> > Star have the same
> > tune?
> >
> >
> > Stop singing and read on .
> Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
> > Soup?
> >
> >
> > Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside
> > the hemisphere, but
> > call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
> >
> >
> > Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
> > face, he gets mad at
> > you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks
> > his head out the window?
> >
> >
> > Does pushing the elevator button more than once make
> > it arrive faster?
> > Do you wonder why you even started reading this???
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Posted by: |
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A little giggle.
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05/01/2005 |
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along," |
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Posted by: |
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