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LATEST NAUGHTY JOKES
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LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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Naughty Jokes - Dirty naughty jokes archive for March, 2005
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Your guide to the internet...
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23/03/2005 |
Real world vs internet.
Sorry, but I love this stuff.
http://gprime.net/video.php/reallifevsinternet |
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Posted by: |
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Beer Vs, Pussy Challenge
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13/03/2005 |
Thought everybody might enjoy this list..feel free to add you own comparisions
beer is always wet.
A p**y needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A p**y tastes better served hot.
Advantage: P**y.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice
cold p**y makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
P**y does not.
Advantage: Draw.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming P**y, you are not
disgusted.
Advantage: P**y
24 beers come in a box.
A P**y is a box you can come in.
Advantage: P**y.
Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a
beer.
Advantage: P**y
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like P**y, she will definitely
get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you
need.
Advantage: P**Y
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much P**y and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a
football game.
You are a legend if you have a P**y in the stands at a
football game.
Advantage: P**y
If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a
breathalyzer.
If a cop smells P**y on your breath, you are going to get a
high five.
Advantage: P**y
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: Beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: Beer.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
P**y can make you see God.
Advantage: P**y
If you think all day about your next beer, you are
an alcoholic.
If you think all day about the next P**Y you will have, you
are normal.
Advantage: P**Y
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of P**y is more fun.
Advantage: P**Y.
If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a P**Y at work, you get hit with sexual
harassment.
Advantage: Draw
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a P**y, it may hunt you down like the
dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly
have you back.
Advantage: beer.
The best P**y you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: P**y.
The worst P**y you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad P**Y:
Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
Advantage: Draw
Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle.
Good P**y: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: P**y.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: P**y.
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: P**y
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Posted by: |
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Best weight loss system
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09/03/2005 |
Just found this calorie counter on the net this morning.....
TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement - 12 cal
Without her agreement - 187 cal
TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands - 8 cal
With one hand - 12 cal
With one hand being slapped - 37 cal
With the mouth - 85 cal
PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection - 6 cal
Without erection - 315 cal
PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris - 8 cal
Trying to find G spot - 92 cal
Without caring at all - 0 cal
WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up - 12 cal
Just on the floor - 8 cal
POSITIONS
Daddy-mummy - 12 cal
69 laying - 8 cal
69 standing up - 112 cal
Trolley - 216 cal
Italian chandelier - 912 cal
HAVING AN ORGASM
Real - 112 cal
Fake - 315 cal
POST ORGASM
Staying in bed - 8 cal
Jumping off the bed - 36 cal
Explaining why you jumped off the bed - 816 cal
GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age - 12 cal
from 20 to 29 - 36 cal
from 30 to 39 - 108 cal
from 40 to 49 - 324 cal
from 50 to 59 - 972 cal
over 60 - 2916 cal
PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly - 32 cal
Being in a hurry - 98 cal
With her husband opening the door - 218 cal
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Posted by: |
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The Tax Man...... (Joke)
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03/03/2005 |
I couldn't think of a better place to put this, lol!!!
Subject: The Tax man
At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box ofcandles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.
"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi.
"What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick." 
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