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Naughty Jokes - Dirty naughty jokes archive for August, 2005
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Things That Drive A Sane Person Craaaazyyyy!!!!!
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30/08/2005 |
Feel free to add on your own peeves....
**********************************************
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
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Posted by: |
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The Husband Store
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20/08/2005 |
You may agree, or disagree,
either way, it's a cute joke.....
A Husband Shopping Center has opened where a woman can go to choose a husband from among many men. It is laid out in five floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you arrive on any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down, except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. The woman reads the sign. "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes. The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better." says the woman. "But, I wonder what's further up?"
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework. "Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be better further up!"
And, again, she goes up. On the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the fifth floor she goes.
The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day
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Posted by: |
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somethin'
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13/08/2005 |
Some of ya may have read this before, doubt that it's new, but it is darn cute....
***********************************
To: Technical Support
Dear Sir,
Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected 
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,
Mike B
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Posted by: |
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