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LATEST NAUGHTY JOKES
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LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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Naughty Jokes - Dirty naughty jokes archive for January, 2006
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To be 6 again!
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31/01/2006 |
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking
at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked
what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking
in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made
her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags
theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her
a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and
her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she
wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He
leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear,
what was it like being six again??"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly
changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening,
he is gonna get it wrong. 
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Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
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30/01/2006 |
(Must Read Out Loud)
1) That's not right
.Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive
..Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP
Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man
.Dum Gai
5) Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach
Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table
.Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift
..Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet
.Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone
.No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week
WaiYu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight
..Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive
.Yu Stin Ki Pu |
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Putting a woman to the test...
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29/01/2006 |
CIA JOB OPENING
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take yourwife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another, eight in a row. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Never put a woman to the test
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Mowing the lawn.
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20/01/2006 |
It was hot out. Jack got out of the shower and didn't even feel like drying off.
"Honey," he hollered, "It's so hot, I don't even feel like getting dressed, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?"
She replied, "That I married you for your money?"  |
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Italian Boy At Confession
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20/01/2006 |
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman. The priest ask, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?
Yes, Father it is.
And who was the woman you were with?
I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?
I cannot say.
Was it Teresa Volpe?
I'll never tell.
Was it Nina Capeli?
I'm sorry but I cannot name her.
Was it Cathy Piriano?
My lips are sealed.
Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration. You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads...
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GOT JOKES?
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16/01/2006 |
AS YOU CAN TELL I LOVE STORIES AND JOKES SO IF YOU GOT SOME LETTS SEE THEM ......ILL START IT OFF WITH
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag....Sorry bikerchic |
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A letter from my husband.......
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11/01/2006 |
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times
you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around
and breathing heavy.
Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love your husband......
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