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WWW.ZOIG.COM
LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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Naughty Jokes - Dirty naughty jokes archive for July, 2006
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Letter to Redneck Son
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31/07/2006 |
Dearest Son
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last
Gander family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it.
I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit,
she put a third one in because she heard you have grown
another foot since she last saw you.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours
to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom |
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DEFINITIONS ACCORDING TO GENDER
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31/07/2006 |
1. THINGY (thing-ee)
a. female: Any part under a car's hood.
b. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel)
a. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
b. male: Playing football without a jockstrap.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)
a. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
b. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. BUTT (but)
a. female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
b. male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown,
home run or goal. Also good for mooning.
5. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
a. female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
b. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
6. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment)
a. female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
b. male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
7. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)
a. female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
b. male: An endless source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding.
8. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv)
a. female: The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
b. male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
9. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl)
a. female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
b. male: A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 minutes.
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A BLOND E/R DRAMA
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31/07/2006 |
A blond hurries into the emergency room one night with the tip of her finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" asked the emergency room doctor.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide" says the blond.
What the doctor sputtered, You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger.
No Silly" said the Blond. First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought" I just paid $6000.00 for these implants, so I am not shooting myself in the chest>
Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought : I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth fixed so I am not shooting myself in the mouth.
Then I put the gun to my ear and thought this is going to
make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.
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what bird
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29/07/2006 |
If a blackbird has black babies
and a snow white dove has white babies
what bird has no babies ???
answer---a swallow  |
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Physician's Quotes
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29/07/2006 |
Have you had your colonoscopy completed lately?
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
You do the Hokey Pokey...."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must ! acquit!"
10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not,
in fact, up there??????"
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Strength against Age
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28/07/2006 |
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."  
Paper Shredder
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.
"Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
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Coming out....
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28/07/2006 |
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said "Mum,
I have something to tell you, I'm gay." His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?" The guy said nervously "Uh, yeah, Mum, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!"
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A motorway (freeway?) walks into a bar...
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27/07/2006 |
A motorway walks into a bar, he's a big guy, 2 hard shoulders, 3 lanes each side and a kick ass barriar down the middle. He knows he's hard and he really strutting it up to the barman. "Gimme a fuckin' vodka" he barks at the barman.
"Look mate," says the barman "I don't want any trouble, here's your drink on the house, just have a seat and don't give me any hassle, ok?"
The motorway gives the barman a dirty look and goes to the corner where he can eyeball the whole damn bar if he wants to.
A few minutes later a Road walk in. Nothing special, white lines up the middle and a couple of cats eyes, but he has frikkin hedges going up the sides! this guy is definately not from the city! He looks around the room, and spots the motorway, he knows the motorway could take him in a fair fight, but he's gotta try to look hard. He does his best to strut up the the bar, and almost screams at the barman. "I want a fuckin' vodka and you're going to give it to me for free!"
Once again the barman explains that he doesn't want any trouble, and he'll keep the drinks coming on the house as long as the road will behave himself. The road tells the barman to do something immoral with his mother and site as far away from the motorway as he can.
A drink or two later on a really little guy walks, no, minces, into the bar. He surveys the room, blows a kiss to the motorway and winks at the road before skipping up to the barman.
Now when I say this guy is little, I mean he's hardly a single lane! no white lines or anything, but is is presented impeccably. No skidmarks or litter or anything. The is little guy really knows how to look good.
"Can I have me a pina colada please", the little guy asks very politely in an extremely camp voice, the barman prepares it and hands it to him, the wee guy pays and invites the barman to keep the change. Then he takes a seat half way between the motorway and the road.
The barman, not the brightest of people - but a long, long way from stupid, can see the motorway and the road looking at the new arrival, and at each other. He can put two and two together, and he knows what'll happen if any trouble starts. So, He asserts himself and walks over to the road, grabs him by the scruff of the junction and drags him over to the motorway's table and sits him down rather violently.
"Look guys," he says harshly to them both "I told you I didn't want any trouble, and I meant it, but if you go after this guy it's more trouble than either of you want!"
The road and motorway both look at the barman like he's about to die as well...
"Look, That little guy's a cyclepath!" |
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The Widower....
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27/07/2006 |
Pete died and was cremated. Linda took the ashes home. she opened the urn and spread some on the bed. All were watching as she blew the ashes off the bed!!
She turned and said as she looked upwards, "Well, Pete, there is the blow job you always wanted"!!
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Im a princess!
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27/07/2006 |
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be
landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just
put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me
over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so
the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank
you. Tray-up, Bitch."
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You've heard this one before
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27/07/2006 |
An oldie but goodie
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.
After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."
So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales. The Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."
So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican." The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.
The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."
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Mind - Boggling Moments
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26/07/2006 |
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This one was from Kingman, KS.
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. And he was a Kansas City chef!
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi.
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Who's your....?
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25/07/2006 |
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Favorite comedian, so many of them, I personally like George Carlin. |
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Mouse Balls
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25/07/2006 |
MOUSE BALLS
I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor!
Especially note the last couple of sentences.
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer
Male Lev..
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10
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25/07/2006 |
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever. |
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Girls Night Out
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25/07/2006 |
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight: "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the Cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight." He didn't seem mad at all.
Whew! Got away with that One!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh, Shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
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The Viagra Experiment
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24/07/2006 |
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts,
it recently announced that it has settled on the generic
name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin,
Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be
available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola
as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now
be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it
gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs"
and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will
market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's
research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Male Lev...
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A boys confession
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23/07/2006 |
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
The priest asked, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi? Yes, Father it is.
And who was the woman you were with?
I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
I cannot say
Was it Teresa Volpe?
I'll never tell.
Was it Nina Capeli ?
I'm sorry but I cannot name her.
Was it Cathy Piriano?
My lips are sealed.
Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration. You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi and I admire that. But you've sinned and have t o atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads...
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A womans support.
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22/07/2006 |
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.  |
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Bushmills Wedding
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22/07/2006 |
ok, Bushmills is a wee town not to far from me, famous for its distillery, and infamous for stories like this one.
A guy from bushmills was madly in love with a girl, also from bushmills, and after years of honourable, christian courting they were set to be wed. Both man and bride were prepared for the big day, and couldn't wait, naturally enough, for the wedding night.
Finally the night arrives. The ceremony is over, the guests passed out at the disco, or driving home (or passing out driving home). The happy couple undress each other in a fever and after he lays her (somewhat drunkenly and awkwardly) on the bed, she asks him nervously to be gentle, as she's a virgin and doesn't know what to do.
The groom throws on his clothes, pulls on his shoes and runs from the room, down the corridor, through the hotel foyer, out the door, down the road and sprints the last 6 miles to his parents' home. Needless to say his dad is suprised to see him, and the poor, breathless, newlywed explains the situation (which sounded something like "She int never ha' the cock in 'er")
The father calmly pats his son on the back and says
"that's alright son, if she's not good enough for her own family, she's not good enough for ours." |
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Some Check Up!!
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22/07/2006 |
A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up.
The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up. So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer?"
The girl replied, " ... uh ... not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."
"Okay ... let's try your armpit," the doctor suggested.
"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" the girl queried.
"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girl's butt.
Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "That's not my butt, Doc!"
The Doc replied, "Well, that's not my thermometer, either."
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Southwest airlines
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22/07/2006 |
A mother and her young son were flying southwest airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mommy and asked ," if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes?.
The mother who couldnt think of an answer told the son to go ask the flight attendant. The flight attendant asked the boy if his mother sent him to ask her and he said yes
Well then she said-you go and tell your mommy that there are no baby airplanes, because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mom explain that to you. |
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Spaghetti
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22/07/2006 |
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation, or his marriage he said he'd pay her a large sum of money if she would move to italy and have the baby their. He stated he would also pay child support until the child was 18 yrs old.
She agreed , but asked him how would he know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard with the word spaghetti on it. He would then start paying her child support.One day about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife , who said honey you got a very strange postcard today.
Oh just give it to me and i'll explain it., he said.
The wife handed him the postcard and watched him turn white then faint.
On the card was written spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, two with meatballs and one without. 
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THE FORTUNE TELLER
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21/07/2006 |
IN A DARK AND GLOOMY ROOM, THE FORTUNE TELLER WAS STARTLED BY WHAT SHE SAW IN HER CRYSTAL BALL.
SHE LOOKED UP AT HER CUSTOMER, SITTING ACROSS THE TABLE.
"THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO TELL YOU THIS, SO I'LL JUST BE BLUNT. PREPARE YOURSELF TO BE A WIDOW. YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO HAVE A VERY HORRIBLE AND VIOLENT DEATH THIS YEAR.
VISIBLY SHAKEN,THE WOMAN STARED AT THE PSYCHIC' FACE , THEN
THE SINGLE FLICKERING CANDLE, THEN DOWN AT HER HANDS.
SHE TOOK A FEW DEEP BREATHS TO COMPOSE HERSELF. SHE SIMPLY HAD TO KNOW.
SHE MET THE FORTUNE TELLERS GAZE, STEADIED HER VOICE AND ASKED ;
WILL I GET AWAY WITH IT?.
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An obituary
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21/07/2006 |
An old man whose wife had recently passed away decided to place an obituary in the local paper.
He went to see the editor and was told it would be $1.00 a word.
After turning out the contents of his pocket he found he only had $3.00 so he wrote
"Ethel Jones Dead"
The editor seeing this felt so sorry for him he said for $3.00 he could have seven words, so he wrote
"Ethel Jones Dead"
"Ford Fiesta for Sale"
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When I grow up :
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21/07/2006 |
Three young kids are walking down the block and they notice a mercedes benz, a rolls royce and a jaguar parked on the other side of the street
One kids says when I grow up I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can own one of them cars. The second kid say's well im gonna be a Doctor so I can own two of them cars. So they both look at the third kid and ask him what he wants to be--He looks at the cars and says I want to have hair all over my body when I grow up.
The two kids look at him and ask why is that---He says;
well my sister has just a little patch of hair between her legs and she owns all three of those cars.
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CUTE!!!!!
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20/07/2006 |
A gynocologist goes to see an optomotrist where the eye doctor says to him " what are you here for"? The gyno says "doc, I think I need glasses". The opto says "why do you think that"? The gyno replies " because my vision has been getting a little fuzzy"!!
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Good intentions...
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20/07/2006 |
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home.
So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door.
On the way to the car, he falls down three times.
When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down four more times.
They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"
The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
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Three Little Boys
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19/07/2006 |
Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They thought it was because they weren't baptized. So they went to the nearest church. Only the custodian was there. One said, "We've got to be baptized cause no one will play with us. Will you baptize us?" So the custodian took them in the bathroom and dunked them in the toilet bowl one at a time. He said, "Now go out and play." When they got outside dripping wet the oldest one asked, "What religion are we?" We're not catholic cause they pour the water on you and we're not Baptist cause they dunk your whole body." The littlest one said, "I smelled that water and I know what we are we're Pisscopalians!
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Interesting Spotted Signs
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19/07/2006 |
1) At a radiator shop: "Best Place in Town to take a Leak".
2) On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
3) On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
4) Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
5) At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout"
6) Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
7) On an electrician's truck "Let us remove your shorts."
8) In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
9) On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
10) At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
11) On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
12) In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
13) On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
14) At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
15) Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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