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LATEST NAUGHTY JOKES
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LIVE RATED
Truth or Dare Blog
Cuckold Blog
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Naughty Jokes - Dirty naughty jokes archive for April, 2009
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NAUGHTY JOKE
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28/04/2009 |
THE WIFE SAID TO HIM, "I WANT TO HAVE A BABY"
He Says To Her, "Well If YOU WANT A BABY YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FUCK LIKE A RABBIT"
SO THE WIFE GOES OUT AND GETS A RABBIT TO FUCK.. |
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Posted by: |
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Scotch with two drops of water
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24/04/2009 |
Scotch with two drops of water
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to
celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you
one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.' |
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Posted by: |
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Old Is When...
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24/04/2009 |
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,
'OLD' IS WHEN....
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes |
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Posted by: |
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seniors alphabet
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13/04/2009 |
New Alphabet
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now
The Alphabet:
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H . high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I . for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!! |
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wacky warnings
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10/04/2009 |
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish (found on bottle of dog shampoo)
for external use only (found on a curling iron)
this product not intended for use as a dental drill (found on electric rotary tool)
Caution; do not spray in eyes (found on can of underarm deodorant)
Don't eat toner (found on toner cartridge for laser printer)
Kills all kinds of insects. Warning: this spray is harmfull to bees (found on can of insecticide)
Warning: may contain small parts (found on a frisbee)
Warning: don't use orally (found on toliet bowl cleaning brush)
Warning: do not use on eyes (found on manual for heated seat cushion)
have a great day
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Posted by: |
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another blonde joke
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08/04/2009 |
what do you call a blonde that stands on her head?
a brunette with bad breath.  |
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Posted by: |
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